12.17.10

I am having a sleepover with my cousins at my apartment tonight. The invitees consist of 10 males over the age 12. I like that we can still spend time together and do silly things like sleepovers. I'm quite happy, but already sleepy. I've been planning it via Facebook messaging. During this exchange one of my cousins has stood out as the crazy cake winner. The second one is the best. Read these really fast outloud to your co-workers.

Wait!!! (Gasp, Gasp, Gasp) Do you mean this week? I can come after work, but I will totally be there! Oh, and don't scare me like that again! I just got down playing silent hill just now, and I almost had a heart attack!!
That game scares the *BEEP* out of me!

Hmm. I will do that, although I don't know if my mom knows about that. I will ask her. Either way, I'm still scheduled to work, and my mom hasn't said anything else otherwise, so I think that it's safe to say that she hasn't heard. Oh! By the way, I don't remember mentioning it earlier, but I was planning to bring my laptop so that Greg can help me with an old game, but it seems that I gave fixed it on my own! You may or may not have seen the status update, but I thought that I should let you know, just in case I told you and you gave Greg the heads up. Yep, will definitely let her know!

What kind of Chips? Oh, and who wants to see Tron? I know I do! Just to see Daft Punk in it! Okay, and to see all of the cool stuff too.

Morales needs to bring their nunchucks! I'll bring mine, and then we can play red steel! Also, I'm bringing my laptop, whether there's wifi or not, so if that changes anybody's decision on what to bring, that is for you. I probably won't come till later, though.

Wait, is that number the apartment number, or cell?

Have a good weekend.

MET

12.6.10

Sometimes I would wish that I was the best dancer in the whole world. After placing the wish I realized it was sort of impossible to know if it occurred or not. I would actually have to try to do a double back flip to see if I was in fact amazing, but since I never try its hard to know. Maybe I am already the most amazing dancer but I guess you have to try to know. Also if the person or thing giving you the wish is fickle who knows how many times you have to try, what if there are stipulations like you have to practice. Then if you do become good was it because of the wish or you? Did you already have the potential to be the greatest dancer ever?

Now Ive decided though, that if its a wish that it has to be fantastical like in the movies. Instant gratification without and silly internalizing.

Christmas List - 2010

Number 1, WANT! See by Chloe Moccasins.

This is the number one thing I want. I will be happy if its the only thing I get. Otherwise I'm having a hard time knowing what I want. We need alot of things for the house so I think this the only me things Im going to DEMAND! Love cute marcela!


Number 2, Need. Apt things

I'm not sure what else I should ask for or quite frankly want. I never have a problem knowing what I want for myself but since Im newly married Im not sure if I really have the right to ask for anything else. SO things that Greg and I need.

A) We need 2 more of these shelves for the storage room.

B) Our clothes mostly fits but the one thing spilling over is sweaters. Something like this would be nice. Or maybe something really simple like this that we could paint or put paper over. Im not totally sure if I like this but maybe this could work. I really envisioned yellow, so a nice coat of paint may bring some fun!

C) Last time we went to Ikea we decided we would need some more counter space. We like this island cart thing.

D) Lastly, I would really like some local art to hang in our new apt. I would love to own something by Brian Kershisnik but that's probably not going to happen for a long while. I have alot of friends who I would like to own work from Paul Heath, Claire Taylor (I already have one small print), or really anyone's work I really liked.

Number 3, Frivolous Cheap Wants!

Its always good to want some inexpensive things, or always have a go-to gift. Like with me a person can ALWAY get me chocolate, I will be happy. Actually during this season its important to remember, I'm a child. I like candy, chocolate and toys. Simple! I enjoy ponies and farm theme toys. Currently Im really into Toy Story so you cant go wrong there either. Also who doesn't want a pair of these!




Yayyy! Presents!!!

Thank you, for enduring my post. OUT.

M.E.T

N.Y.C

The weekend of Halloween I headed to NYC. Ive wanted to go for a very long time but could never scrap up the funds or the guts to really do it. Until last month, I found round trip tickets from $150!!! Wahhooie! It was only for a weekend but that's still an excellent price. It was good enough bargain that I had to but my bed bug fears behind me and go!

For me NYC has always been a place of myth. Growing up in the SLC suburbs, going to NYC meant big business, you were basically rich. When I met more well-to-do kids I found out to them it was no big deal. I was always shocked that something I held so high was nothing to them. Ive visited twice before, both trips were actually "business trips". I was filming a documentary film with a partner the story took us to NYC. I remember those trips being like an ultimate blessing. My mother would brag about it! Now my film partner actually lives in Manhattan. She is one of my best friends. Im old enough to know what close friends really are. And she is in my top (Thomas, Anne, Ryan, Amanda, Cris, Brooke I just really like writing there names sorry) I think about her and miss her often. I decided to go to see her and also to have a trip alone before the whole marriage thing.


The trip there was well, terrible.


6am to Dallas/Forth Worth - Planes heating was broken we FROZE. Luckily I had a sweater and jacket, others were not as lucky.

12pmish to NYC - Everyone brought fast food on board, no big deal. The man behind me after eating like 4 pan pizza farted the whole flight. AWFUL! Then the woman beside me scratched her feet for the last half of the flight. I was having a hard time not freaking the fuck out. Imagine me scratching the plane walls trying to get away. The plane was full. Seat changes weren't possible, great.

The rest of the trip was amazing. Yes the city is fun, yea clothes and chocolate everywhere. Blahblahblabh, the best thing was the way I felt and who I was with. My friend Amanda lives with her boyfriend of about 4 years. They met in college and moved to NYC about a year ago on her insistence. I dont think Ive ever gotten along so well with a couple in my whole life. The whole time we laughed. Imagine montage of 3 people getting along amazingly in NYC fall, WE WERE THAT! We talked about things we've learned through out our short lives. It was like we were really living life as it was, just going going going and feeling young. We were still aware of reality. I felt like I knew who I was and what I was capable of and that I was happy in my evolving state. I felt like I knew exactly what I needed to do with my life. It was wonderful to feel like we were really doing something. It was as if we hung off one another words really listening and validating. Both of their college degrees were in film but only Drew works in film. Amanda works at a yoga studio. I think she felt a little bit down because she wasn't work in what she thought she should. Sometimes getting into the "path" mind set is BAD! Life is to try and taste everything. If you find yourself in a different field out of need sometimes its really best. One of my jobs I took out of necessity but because its in higher education I have now made it into my dream job. At times one just needs to wade the rough to find what you really want. Although it must be said that her job seemed really great. I do believe that it has the potential of doing the little flip mine has done.



I walked many of the streets at all different times of the day and night alone or in a group. I loved the city but it made me realize that were I lived was best for me. In a city so large its at time difficult to really decipher what is special. I saw clothing by the boat loads it was all nice, well made but I couldn't tell if it was worth it. I could only make one large purchase and it all look good but was it the one? In Utah its really easy to spot the special from everything else. I like that about here, I like the very local and home grown movement here. I think for now here in SLC is the right place for me.


I do miss it there. I think I miss the feeling I felt when I was with Amanda and Drew the most. I can tell that that feeling doesn't happen to often. Or with very many people. That was the special part.




M.E.T

Cold Feet

Yes. I'm getting married.

Truthfully it was only a matter of time until Greg and I tied the knot. From the first month we dated I was like, yup I'm going to marry this jerk, guy. I think I felt that way because from the beginning I could see there would never be a better suited partner. I'm sure most people in good relationships feel the same way where their partner fills their wedge issues. With Greg I felt a completion I thought to be unique. The very "second half" people joke about.

I was experiencing classic cold feet. I wrote a giant post about it and then I deleted it. The things that were worrying me cleared up when I realized that the reason I know he is the one is that those sentiments will never be an issue. Case closed, happy as a clam.


M.E.T

Era Ends.

Well...

Although I have alot of negative qualities I really think of myself as a softie. I've written about different occasions or types of situations that I fall apart. Growing up I've learned alot about my sensitive nature. Its the empathy that really sets me apart from other sensitive people. It makes me upset that so many people go through hard situations that could have been prevented. A strange thing has occurred the more I learn about the correct way to treat people the farther apart I get from my LDS upbringings. Its almost as if my ability to be empathetic makes it so that new doctrine doesn't make sense. Its like Im not tough enough to be that mean. Isn't that odd?

Of course these thoughts are coming from the most recent General Conference. Twice a year I buckle down and try with all my might to get through this event. For the last 2 years its become increasingly difficult. Ive tried SO much to be part of this group. Mostly because the sentiment is "Either your with us or you against us. If you aren't it means you dont want to be with your family for eternity". AND I DO! I really really do want to be with my family FOREVER. This has been my ongoing problem. I love my family and I would do almost anything for them, but would I hate without reason? Would I support young children being mistreated from there parents because of their unique nature? Could I be happy knowing somewhere out there someone is hurting and never going to be with their family and I'm supporting that? Well no I really cannot do that.

Guilt has been a very large part of my life. Its plagued my teenage and adult life. Its sentiments like the one above that have always burdened me. If you watch a R-rated movie you can forget eternal life with you mother. If you hang out with those kids eventually you will swear that leads to drinking which leads to drugs and then no eternal life with your 5 siblings. Its weighed on me and I always felt I wasn't good enough to deserve my family.

Im afraid that my siblings will hate me when they return from their missions. I feel like they will think I didn't try hard enough. That I gave up on eternal life with them. I dont know how I will let them know how I feel. I am most worried for my brother who is just about to return. He has talked about trying to convert my older sister. I'm really upset that he wont accept us. Its like LDS people want everyone to be open minded about them but wont do the same for others. Ive missed him alot and send him packages at least once a month. Now I just dont know whats going to happen.

The problem is that I want to treat people with respect and love. No matter their race and lifestyle. I dont think people are less because of color or who they love. I dont think that it makes people a monster. And like the way I didn't choose which race I was going to be most people dont make the choice to be gay. I have known some flip-floppers but most dont choose. I hate the phrase "love the sinner, hate the sin." No. NONONONONO! Its so wrong! I am no longer going to feel guilty for god like love for "sinners". Im not going to feel guilty for being happy. Im not going to cry because I feel like a slut for wearing a tank top. Those things are very over. I dont want some teenager out there to feel the guilt I did for who they are. I dont want their parents to follow the words said yesterday. I dont want these kids to be thought as monsters and treated so.

I love going to church. I love my other Latin people. It makes sense why we are all there. We all need each other and we will all help one another. I do believe in alot of the principles of the LDS church like service, independence, preparation, God head, Joseph Smith, Word of Wisdom, the Book of Mormon is ok. I feel its a good thing to follow it makes sense. Beyond that I have problems. I just think man is naturally bad. Even if the church was correct from inception, from the point man had it, its been imperfect. This will sound terrible but as soon as more privileged people are introduced it falls apart for me. Even with revelation from God I have a hard time believing a old Caucasian male knows whats best for me. Or that his basis dont get in the way. And that is probably the most controversial statement in this whole thing. I do believe my ward bishop knows what we need. He knows where we are all coming from, he knows our struggles.

Recently my very best friend in the whole world, Thomas moved to Australia. Thomas is also from a LDS upbringings but came out of the closet before we met. I've seen him deal with so much pain brought on by the aftermath of his upbringing and having his family divided. At times Thomas was very anti-LDS. Because of his negative sentiment (isn't this natural for someone whose been through so much) I felt like I had to defend my religion. I had to hold on I had to prove that it was correct. He did get over the most trying part and has always been extremely accepting of my choice. Even when other Gays questioned his friendship with a practicing LDS person he stood strong. Now that he is gone its like I've had time to examine what I held on to so strongly. I'm seeing it for what it is. Its like shopping I want the boots but I'm putting back the dress! I do believe there is something greater out there the looks over us. I've seen its power in my community. I do believe we have responsibilities and cant think it will do everything for us. I do belive in being a good persons and helping others. I believe in the power of prayer, its a fantastic way to calm oneself and know how to react to a tough situation. As far as the larger organization well Im done. I'm totally done.

I couldn't have done this without the support of my mother. She was there yesterday when I had had enough. She didn't scold me for not trying hard enough. She knew I had. She knew I had spent years lying to myself and that I couldn't anymore. It made me really happy that she was there for me and unlike my grandparents she didn't see me only as a vessel for missionary work. She saw me as more. She sees me as a real person, I think things through, I'm unique and have special needs, I have talents and I have feelings. I adore my mother and her ability to see when something hurts me, and that she can see my effort. I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful Mother. A boyfriend/Fiance who is on the same page, and a best friend who loves me and allows me to make my own decisions.

My mother (and support circle) is really fantastic and I hope all those gay children out there with LDS families have a mother like mine. One who loves you for who you are.

M.E.T.

9.17.10

Hello.

I just got the camera back from Greg on Wed. I did something stupid... I took the camera to a windy beach? Greg had to brush all the sand out of the camera. Oops. I really just wanted to show you that I have friends and actually do fun things on occasion. It was too windy to take photos so I failed on many levels.

I wish that I had photos to show you of the many projects I've recently worked on. I made a linen blouse and attached a silk top that I created to a skirt. Both items go together. I hope my friend Kathleen indeed enjoys both pieces.

I have also been at the Salt Lake Art Center seemingly non-stop. Yesterday was the final day of Contemporary Masters. I no longer have to worry about vacuuming mini golf holes, thank god. I hope that I will not be as stressed anymore and will actually be able to sleep now.

I've recently lost some weight. I am down almost 20 lbs. Almost! Of course looking at me you cant really tell. Which I have to admit is alittle upsetting. Once I've totally completed -20lbs, I will only be 10 lbs away from my goal weight. My fantasy weight is another 10lbs from my goal. I really do think I can do it! I think once Ive reached my goal it will be more noticeable, maybe. I have really tried to watch what I consume and when. I do a lot of low impact exercise. Like walking to work everyday, walking to the store, walking to walk. I also ride my bike to my other job. Running causes extreme hunger so I'm trying out the walking thing. SO far it works just fine. I hope that at my goal weight I will fit into the two dresses I've spoken about in the past.

Here is the project list in order of priorities

1. Create gown for "water week" art exhibition
2. Create props for SLAC videos
3. Finish sailor pants
4. Finish costume for dance video
5. Film/Edit dance video
6. Create fringe shorts.

I think that all of it. Hmm... I will keep you posted.

M.E.T

8.10.10

Things are just fine here. Doesn't Teanchum seem happy? Ever since the move he has been singing non-stop. I think he sort of misses Cleatis at times but overall is happy to be alone.

Having your own place is nothing short of amazing.

Top 10 Reasons Living Alone ROCKs!

1) Dishes never pile up and begin to mold!

2) Food obligation. Meaning because I know Im alone I eat things before they rot.

2) I cant put things wherever I WANT! The loveseat is now home to my stuffed animals!

3) The vision of my apartment doesn't have to be compromised. I have a huge cardboard reel that Im going to make something adorable out of! I can do what I want!

4) Walking around in underwear all the time!

5) Toilet paper rolls lasts 5x as long!

There is probably alot more but I think thats all I want to say for now. One of the things I really love about my apartment is, my closet. I finally put all my clothes away. Here it is.

Is it weird to spend alot of time just looking at your closet and smiling?

M.E.T.

8.9.10

Here is my Kayo box. I think its actually still there. Unfortunately I dont think it sold. OH WELL! I can just pick it up and put it in my new adorable house. Give me an honest opinion of what you think.



Remember its about the fascination I feel in subjects that I'm also scared of. So the eye mask makes it so I can watch movies. It has ear plugs and eyes so I looks like Im still watching!



M.E.T.

8.3.10

Hey! Im 24 now. Thats weird for me to think because I still feel like Im 19. I still make mistakes like Im a young adult. I've got alot of maturing to do.

Here is one of the presents I received for my birthday. Greg bought me these Moschino Cheap and Chic flats. I adore them! They have a wonderful real leather smell. Im scared to wear them so I've been waiting for an appropriate occasion. They go perfectly with my Alexander McQueen dress!

Thoughts.

1) My younger brother has now left to go on his mission. My parents house is down to one child. Its totally bizarre. For once I want the unpleasant overcrowding.

2) I am a self described shy person. With my friends I am crazy loud but otherwise I usually hold back. Im trying to be more friendly but DAMN its hard. Sunday night I went to a concert by myself. The Zizek collective CAME TO UTAH! Just a block from my house.

The music was wonderful, it was amazing to have my type of music playing. Oh, and Argentinean DJs! CUTE HANDSOME MUSIC NERDS LATINO BOYS! THAT NEVER HAPPENS! If I had to say what my type of male is, I would say those DJs.

Then when more people started to dance, I let go. People cheered! They filmed me! I talked with one of the DJs. He said my Spanish was good which was sort of surprise. Sometime I really wish I could be more aggressive or promiscuous, but Im really not like that. Im really too guarded and interested in more then physicality. Honestly when I like someone I want to make them clothes and presents and then jump their bones, jkish. It was nice to feel even for a night that I fit in and that I found people like myself. Don't be surprised when you see me on their concert DVD.

p.s Yes Im still in a relationship and it may seem terrible for me to talk this way. We are taking a break in Sept or Oct. Its something we've both agreed on. After that experience I think I may actually be able to pull it off.

M.E.T.

7.21.10

I don't know whats gotten into me, I adore pink right now. Middle school me would be so ashamed at what I've become. I have more pink in my closet then ever before, granted thats actually only like 2 dresses. I also have pink earrings that I need to stretch my ears for.

When I saw this Gingham fabric at super sale I jumped. Yes, I know more Gingham. I really cant help myself Gingham is just the quintessential of cute. Here is the completed skirt for Greg's nieces bridal shower. I'm actually quite pleased with how it turned out. How could anyone NOT like it?





Last, last weekend we went to Gregs friends baby blessing. The paternal grandmother is what someone would called a crafter on speed. She knits 24/7 and always goes the extra mile. Honestly she is sort of scary. She made these amazing personalized cookies. OCD, no?

It seems like Greg's friends and family are all making those big life changes like kids, marriage, grandkids blablehblah. And my friends and family are doing that annoying thing where they leave. Its a weird time for myself and I just need to figure out what I'm doing.

M.E.T.

7.20.10

Alot has happened since last week. First of all the above photo is no longer the view from my bedroom window. My new view is far less picturesque. The new neighborhood I live in cannot compete with the beauty of the avenues. I now live close to everything and although its a totally different vibe here I have decided that I will create beauty instead of only witnessing it.



Thomas is now in Australia. Making friends, takin photos, eatin food. Here we are during his going away party. Its a strange composition but thats us, and thats his new tattoo.

Oh! Hey here it is!

The new apartment. Maybe it doesn't translate in photos but its actually really cute. The way I've organized everything feels so homey. I don't have alot of open space like before, I really like that. Everything has this resounding feeling of "mine". I can move things wherever I want. I can put art and ceramics everywhere and no one moves it. There is no one to not understand that it decorative. Its GREAT! This place really does feel like my own special place. Its like my GIANT fort. I want to make it my imagination world. Toys hanging from the ceiling. Paper flowers around the entry way, just lovely.


M.E.T

7.12.10

Bah! Why is it when I say I wont post I want to. No photos just thoughts.

There are alot of stereotypes about modern artist, and artist scene people. Alot of people believe that artists are pretentious crazies who get alot of money to show us trash. Although this isn't always true there is a definite stigma toward modern artists from the general public. I believe that it is in part due to the fact that performance art has become more prevalent and even to me it can be boring and pointless. I feel like I see satire about performance art in almost every sort of pop culture outlet. Yes, its silly at times but I do believe it is important, even the really weird art literally made of trash and or urinals.

I am currently preparing an artwork for a local gallery fundraiser show. The gallery gives each artist a cigarbox and one can interpret it any way they wish. My box is a small light wood box with a beige front and gold and black along all the borders of the box. I really want this work to be eye catching and begin the ball rolling for other shows.

First Idea.
Initially my idea was to sew an outfit and put it in the box. The outside of the box would maintain the gold edging but in between it, I would paint the process of making the outfit.

Second Idea.
Ive become increasingly interested in the stories of the Beast of Genvuean. So much so that I wanted to create a shrine to the story. The outside being the same concept as before with the box maintaining the golden edges but inbetween painting depictions of the story. You know have people being mauled and the actual death of the animal. The inside would be as if you were looking at both the inside and outside of the animal. Fur and guts. Also with sewn pieces of people. The more I thought about it the more I realized that it would be difficult to make this not look too "crafty" or kitschy.

Third Idea.
I want to make and artwork about the Beast of Genevuean because whatever I'm interested in, at that moment tells about who I am as a person. I dont have to make a painting of the Mexican flag to tell you who I am. I like more subtle declarations about oneself. SO I'm into this story, I'm into it because I cant watch movies that are to scary or violent but I like to skirt around potentially scary things. Its very much how when your told you cant, one develops a fascination with the forbidden.

I am keeping the same concept but now I am painting the box, all but a label a thick uneven white. The outside will be hand drawn with pictures of the story. Simple, clean and straight forward. The inside is all Toile de Jouy.

There are parts that I cant describe and and that aren't completely settled. This project is a far departure from my other artwork that is more playful and having alot more fabric. I will for sure have some sewn elements but it will be different, new. This isn't my new style but I can be flexible I can do more then one "thing". I am extremely excited for this box and Im being to work on it. Its due the day before I move! Ee!

Like I've said Im doing some new things for this project that I usually wouldn't. One of my ideas has transformed me into an artist stereotype. Yes, its true I am actually harvesting my own hair.
Its always been the "MARCELA WAS HERE" trademark. Its everywhere, and finally I'm putting it to use. Its been fun to be on all fours sweeping up pieces of myself. Whenever I have to describe what the hell Im doing, I say this line all valley girl like.

"Its like for my art, O.K."

M.E.T.

7.8.10

Hello. I wont be blogging until the end of next week. I've got a whole lot of things to finish up before I MOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am very excited. Also, Thomas my BFF is moving to Australia. I want to do a series of spots that I will miss from my old apt. I will continue blogging more regularly next week.

Until then.

M.E.T

7.6.10

I had yesterday off of work, so began the sewing flurry to get projects done. Ive been working on 4 separate projects. Here are two of them. The first is a pair of sailor pants that a friend has ordered. Currently they look very wrinkly and not super amazing. BUT they are quite a work of art. For the last 3 weeks I have carried them everywhere with me, hoping to have a moment to do some pinning. Im just about done.



This one I started this morning. Its a very simple two layer skirt. Its for Gregs nieces bridal shower. Yes I realize its sort of fucked up that his niece is getting married. Greg is the youngest out of 6 so his niece is only 2 years younger then I am. SO its basically ok. ish. Like Ive told you about I sort of despise these types of events. I don't even really know the girl, let alone what she maybe doing at 2pm. This being important because its a time of day present theme. Meaning that each person gets an hour and you give her a present for that hour. I wanted to be like oh, afternoon delight heres some lube and condemns. Instead I'm making a super sweet skirt, for a picnic? I dont know, JUST BECAUSE. Im taking my mother in hopes that she will use her crazy Latina mom powers to make this fun.

I hope she like this skirt!

M.E.T

7.2.10

Today, I am extremely happy. So much though that I want to slap that smile off that face, because only lameheads have giant smiles while alone in public.

I just paid the down payment for my awesome new apt! It looks like my old one but with only one bedroom, a way smaller balcony and in a awesome location. I AM SOOOO EXCITED!!!! Its HUGE for one person and I'm going to fill it up with clothes! Or cake! OR chocolate!

This week has been so weird. Ive been way to busy too sew but a lot of important things happened. Like I think I said Im getting a raise at one job, at the same job I made a purposal and presentation for an update and the creation of an interactive website. IT WENT WELL! And I think we are going to do it! Essentially I will be creating my dream job. Education, video, audio, reporting,

Never mind, I take it all back I just saw Ghana lose to Uruguay. No longer smiling. I just want Ghana to win because I think it would bring happiness to a country that needs it more. I usually cant handle watching sports for that reason. I was going to say because skill usually beats who deserves it more but then again there is luck. Sports just TOO emotional for my little heart.

M.E.T

7.1.10

Today I really didn't want to even try to dress up. I did want to take photos though. There is a new feeling right now stirring within me. Yes, I'm extremely tired today but Im also in deep thought.

Last night after working my second late night shift at the art center. Which includes being in the caddy shack while drunk adults and a hoards of children tear apart our mini golf course in 90degree heat indoors. And after a killer presentation at another job. I returned home and decided I should have dinner. Everywhere I turned neatly stacked dirty dishes. On the oven, clogging the sink, EVEN hidden under counters and roll-aways. Thats one thing I cant handle, if you have time to stack the dishes and move them around all day, just fucking wash them. Then I noticed the sink was actually clogged due to feta cheese. Yup, I've got to get the hell out of here. I began packing right then and there.

This morning the feeling was still there, calmer. Its time to take little Marcela, all of her expensive dresses, toys, candy, vintage fabric and find a new home. Just for her. Its so lovely to write this out loud.

Bye beautiful apartment that became a hell hole.

LOVE, Marcela.

6/30/10

As of late I cant seem to take photos of myself that I like. I go threw them all and its like.

"Fat"
"Fat"
"Weird crouch thing going on."
"FAT"
"Stupid Face"
"Fat. "

In this photo I'm smiling but inside I'm really crying. Thats not true but I think it would be funny if you imagined me crying right after the photo was taken. Like, smile click waaaaaaaaaaahh!!!! Maybe this sense of humor is lost on anyone who isn't my best friend Thomas. Earlier this week I was explaining to my cousins the best joke Thomas and I ever thought of. (side note. most of our jokes are usually elaborate performance art with reaction being the main goal.)

1) Buy one large watermelon.
2) Go to the local outdoor mall.
3) Climb to the top of the escalators.
4) Scream as loud as you can in a distraught maniacal voice. Also it helps if you twist your face, vaudeville style. "MY BAAAAAAAAAABYYYYYYYYY!"
5) Drop watermelon down escalators.
6) Take photos.

I know this is actually really sort of sick and you probably hate me now. BUT if it was a hostile audience based art installation it really is thought provoking.


Oh and here is a dress I am working on for a friend. I showed you parts of it before. Thought?

Shirt - American Apparel
Shorts - Zara ( from recent trip to LA)
Shoes - Topshop

M.E.T

6/24/10

My computer is still having problems. Im not sure what to do about it, bleh. I guess Greg will have to take a break from computering on his computer and fix mine. He recently decided that getting a new iphone was kind of more important then celebrating our anniversary. Im really glad that I have Thomas around to say things like.

" You are allowed to be mad about this, but not THAT mad."

Thomas knows I can get alittle bit carried away. I like when he validates my anger but also curbs it.

Greg did get me flower and chocolate, but most importantly he gave a statement about how sometimes he is an idiot but that doesn't change the way he feels about me. After that I really couldn't be mad because he said everything that needed to be said.

I bought Gatorade powder in hopes that it was a more cost effective way of getting my morning drink on. SO much powder is needed that Im thinking its not worth it. Im currently drinking yellow water that tastes sort of alittle like the Gatorade I love and need.

Oh hey, Im working on that dress up there for a friend. What do you think?

M.E.T

6/22/10

Hi, Im back from LA. Im sorry but I didn't take any pictures of my trip. I don't usually like to take pictures during trips I just like to go and enjoy. But I did bring you back this skirt, to look at that is.

Isn't this skirt amazing! It is made of really good fabric, has a light pink linear AND THE BOW! I mean is it fantastic. It was a bit pricey but I think its was worth it and I like supporting smaller names. My sister Mari's boyfriend was taken aback by the price but like the good boy Greg is he didn't heckle me at all. Instead he bought a suit jacket, I think he caught the shopping fever.



I think I got alittle tan.

Knottsberry Farm was fun but, well Greg go sick and we had to wait in the car.

M.E.T

6/16/10

I got my computer and camera to work!

Photosphotosphotos!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





Blue Short Sleeve Sweater - Thirfted
Belt - Gomattagirls
Dress - Rodarte for Target
Socks - Hue
Shoes - OLD!

Hey Im going out of town tomorrow to visit my sister in LA. My family is going to meet her boyfriends family and go to Knottsberry Farm together!!!!!!!!!!! No, Im not excited. OK actually I am, Knottsberry Farm has a special place in my heart. Im not sure why, because I usually hate all theme parks but I LOVE it.

"TWO loud crazy brown family's talking and meeting at Knottsberry Farm. Sweating and hugging, together"

Greg added " and me."

"Oh yea, and you little white Greg."

FUN! Let the sitcom heists and Latin stereotypes begin!

M.E.T.

6/15/10

Something is wrong with my computer. Out of the photo set I took this morning this is the only one it let me upload. Luckily it was one of the better ones.

During the week I dress different depending on what I'm doing. Monday and Friday I usually dress down. These are bike riding days. Today is Tuesday which is calling for a mild bike ride day. SO Im wearing this dress with matching shorts under. I will probably wear some variation of this outfit all sumer long.

M.E.T.

6.11.10

These photos were sent to me by a friend awhile back. She noted that it was interesting to look at the photo below. They are basically the same outfits but with different details. Sort of Destiny's Child like.

A while ago I realized the recession was real but didn't effect me. In the last few months its become evident that no one is "safe". I do know that Im the type of person that will do anything to stay afloat. There is no position below me, but luckily for now I'm alright. Im trying to save as much money as I can because I have found that saving is fun and easyish. Isn't it weird to be a young person and see other young people parade in new expensive clothes like its the norm to spend $1000 on a pair of shoes. Then watch the news and see other in your same country struggling and becoming homeless. My feelings are a yo-yo of emotion. Its odd, I feel like I need more clothes, or more expensive clothes like the other women I see. Then I will feel guilt for being so wrapped up clothes, which is potentially shallow.

When I go running I see these amazing houses and wonder how they afford them and am stung by the realization that there is a good chance that I wont ever obtain that let alone dream houses in other cities. Its hard to balance realization as well as pride for real and current accomplishments.


Well with that said, one of the programs I worked for was completely cut by the mayor and has now been put into effect. I am trying to replace this job, not so much out of need but I realize that if anything did happen to any of the other jobs. I need to work as much as I can while I still can. A couple years ago while applying for an internship the women interviewing me ask what my age was. When stated she replied.

"Perfect age for working hard."


M.E.T

6.8.10

Oh, Hi there! I guess I've sort of been neglecting you. Again, life got busy. Last weekend was both Pride Festival and the Art Centers Yearly Fund-raising Gala. I think we had fun,ish. Also Greg (boyfriend) started is week long tour across Utah, read about sad events here.


Lately I've been ponder "Marriage". To me its still really strange concept. Its like when you were a small child and people say things like someday you will like boys and be married and have kids, and you squeal at the impossible thought. I still feel like that, yes it is more plausible now but I steal think its sort of a joke. Greg and I have been dating for just a few weeks short of 3 years. I dont know that we really want to be married but we do want to live together. With our families those two thought must come with one another, and honestly I don't feel the brash risktaker in me to go through with it and receive the consequence. People are sort of surprised at our lack of interest in marriage. Within my planning mind I convinced myself that I could infact do this marriage thing maybe even soonish out of convienance. My mind was set, but now my mind has began to wander.

My initial reasons for not wanting to be married right now is the inability to share my dreams with someone else. Thats what I've decided my resistance is. Its not necessarily that I think being married will cause me not to reach my goals. Its more that I want to experience the ups and downs on my own. I'm not sure why but its sort of the way I always imagined it. Also in a relationship you are always trying to be good and fair. I want to be able to do things without the constant reminder to being good and fair, maybe I just want to be naive and take risks? I also didn't plan to meet the guy for me at age 20. How do other people do it? How do there dreams, goals and wishes translate from mine = ours? Or mine with you around.

Also how do you beat longing to be single when he's around and missing him immensely and glaring at other happy couples when he isn't around? Constant RollerCoaster.

T-shirt - Macha Machete (Made by my sister)
Shorts - Heirloom
Sandals - Industry
Necklace - Idaho!

M.E.T